His lack of reactions kind of gave me permission to just carry on flirting. Easier to blame me. he will drive an hour to see her for 20 min and goes out fo coffee and to movies, etc. But after she left, he was angry. And yes, if they were that unhappy they should grow up, admit to it, and get a divorce. Blessings friend! He shaves maybe once a week, at most. I dont live with her, I am not trying to make a life and raise a family with her. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. Sometimes, your spouse needs some space and thats perfectly normal. He is always focused on himself. SHOW NOTES To see pictures of Stacy on some of his many climbing . Someday shell wake up. I loved that. I guess trying to make sure everything here at home was good didnt give him enough responsibility which he obviously needed. She was not invested like I was. Depression and anxiety are both exhausting illnesses, so you must take care of yourself. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. So, if your husband is always working on projects around the house or taking care of the kids, he may be trying to show you how much he cares. I finally found my balls and filed for divorce. Ughhhh. Need help with your relationship? Some are more compelling than others but every body has one. Its important to have hobbies and interests outside of your relationship. Relationships are challenging, and that includes marriages. We saw therapists through the years but nothing changed. Was my husband responsible for his alcoholism and abuse? he says he feels indifferent even to his family. Now, us men stood there and talked about the normal stuffsports, work, kids and yes, one of the other guys did do just a little wife-bashing. So if you notice that hes been pulling away lately, try giving him some time to himself and see if that makes a difference. What are some things that you do to try and keep the passion alive and kicking? You might feel like youre not good enough or that hes finding someone else to replace you. Compliment him on things he does well, and express gratitude for you. If that something is lacking so severely than they would simply LEAVE. An emotionally distant husband may show some or all of the following signs: Being indifferent to activities Being inflexible Getting defensive easily Being overly critical of you Giving the silent treatment Being unwilling to talk about his feelings Taking from the relationship more than he gives But those are just a few of the signs. This can lead to him wanting to distance himself from you, which isnt good for your relationship. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? Its not shallow to want to be with someone who desires you. I think my summer project is going to be to read all of the blog posts and comments from the beginning. We both are. there was a time he was the life of the party and now.I believe he is depressed and has seen his doctor and neurologists for his headaches but no one has told him he may suffer from depression . If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. He has become a public figure, and the repercussions are potentially enormous. Then I feel hurt when he doesnt. In contrast my H is in the worst shape hes ever been and for the first time I see him slightly worried about how he compares to the men I must see at the gym. You need to stop fearing an argument, You need to communicate the issues that are going on and ask him why he thinks using depression to not do things you don't want to do. Or well, our marriage had really drifted apart and I knew we were very disconnected. Im sure my husbands girl friend was skinny and she really does think she is superior based on that. That is a rough thing to admit, but doing so frees me of any thought that any cheater isnt responsible for his or her actions. I have one on my free resource page. You are correct that i t does not excuse your cheating, but it does point out where your personal vulnerability was. I couldnt say it better EG. Ive never really figured out how to process my first marriage and all it involved. "My husband never wants to go anywhere, all he ever thinks about is gumbo, gogo, and dodo." gree gree , any object of contrivance used to conjure harm or evil to the recipient. If I would have filed at the beginning I would be years ahead in of where I am now in terms of my recovery. In a marriage, spouses continually need each other, whether it's for emotional support during a hard time or to attend a boring work event so one doesn't have to suffer alone. Post-affair, I am uncomfortably aware that making mountains out of molehills can be a dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy. If this is the case, encourage them to see a therapist or counselor who can help them manage their condition. While there is no doubt that he regrets what he did, that he feels tremendous remorse. Do you often think, my husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me? If he does something differently, it does not mean that it's wrong. Press J to jump to the feed. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. It makes me sick the lengths she went to, and I truly believe it was her manipulation, making him feel guilty for him being home with his family. When your partner has your back, they'll be able to say those three important words sincerely and out loud in front of other people. OMG my husband would think he had died and gone to heaven, LOL. Hopefully, those of you who are further along and are in the marriage rebuilding and strengthening phase can find this helpful. My husband actually says he has a NEW and DEEPER appreciation of not only me and our marriage, but our family as well. The term refers to being "dependent" on another person and putting their needs before your own by engaging in people-pleasing behavior and caregiving. However, some people are just habitually negative and don't understand how miserable they are making themselves as well as the . Now I have more expectations. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. I think the trap your friends fell into was set years ago. In fact, that is one of the explanations we have for one our friends. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. I am tired of the many years of being his personal assistant, director, PR person, party planner, date night organizer, relational health coach, spiritual leader and the bad guy parent. My husband is retired and never wants to do anything. 6. Don't suppress your desire and build up resentment. If you . Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). John, I felt exactly the same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair. I only wish I had done it MUCH SOONER. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? Absolutely 100%. No way to win with this guy. Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. was I the one responsible for what I did? Were here to show you the right way to survive infidelity so that your marriage doesnt become some sort of statistic. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats . 4) He doesn't know how to bring something up. They are selfishly seeking attention, with NO intention of giving up their real relationship. Stop thinking that your way is the "right" way. There has to be a shift in thinking and approach here. I dont know what to do any,more. unless he goes to work doesnt want to go out at all but will sometimes . Our social lives can revolve a bit too much THROUGH our kids. You might not see it, but your relatives can sometimes be quite overwhelming, especially if theyre always around. Once her (much older) husband started doing things to increase his T-levels, he once again became more active, horny, etc. If your spouse feels like youre always trying to get him to do things or constantly talking to him, it can be tough to want to spend time with you. I can see where boredom could be a contributing factor to cheating, especially at work, lol. Ohh and the funny thing is, she wasnt on anything for depression. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying "My husband has no friends or hobbies,") you might not think this is a big problem. If I interrupt the tv he gets annoyed. You deserve to have a marriage that doesnt just survive - it thrives! One of the main signs of a disrespectful husband is when he never ever asks your opinion on anything. He doesn't spend time with you anymore At one time, you and your husband were inseparable, and he always put you first. Having him believe something that wasnt true. Running around all dressed up, making and baking. I even take our children to the seaside on my own. Anonymous. What this means for me is If he wants to pick an argument or indulge in another round of self pity, I dont have to join in. Kind of hard though. Real boyfriends take their girlfriends out on dates. Im worthy f respect, from him and his family, he should stand by my every time his family disrespect me. Ad by Techy Twist Ever heard of the Mandela effect? Just not appropriate to do so with anyone else. Guess thats why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. Ayyy ahora si ya les cuento todito lo que pas De verdad que miedo This is especially true if he notices other women and gives you compliments less often. IMHO. Its better that way. What to do when my husband never wants to do anything with me during this period? I totally believe until you honestly think that both affair partners are equally responsible for the affair, under any circumstances,no matter what reasonsthey give, no matter who they are, yourself or others, it is being defensive. Please make sure you read our rules here. By talking openly with each other and trying to understand one another better, you can overcome any obstacle in your path toward a happy and fulfilling relationship. Strong words eg thanks. You might think, "I'm a good husband and father, I don't cheat, I'm not mean or abusive, and I'm a good provider financially. So many affairs are blamed on boredom, Dougs included. Not one bit. Thankfully, my h told her, there is no way I will take the children away from their mother. Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. They questioned whether or not they had anything in common anymore with their husbands. Guess what happened, I lost focus on me again and I gained most of it back, it doesnt feel good at all. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. Plan a weekly date night where you go out to dinner or see a movie, Go on weekend trips together even if its just for a few hours, Make time for a weekly game night or hobby night, Exercise together this can be anything from going for a walk to playing tennis. If you want to create and sustain a lifetime of monogamy, then you must also know how to renew passion, inspire desire and sustain a lifetime of commitment.. Here are 15 signs of an unhappily married man. Im guessing that she was betting on I would not leave her. Without getting into too much of the details and background, it is apparent to us that they have fallen into a serious marital trap. Make your moments together count. The lack of attention you are receiving from your husband could possible be due to his attraction to someone else. If she only knew. He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. Don't be shy with your partner. Does that excuse me got cheating on him? I only vent here. At least you are trying. The real reason is that the person reached a point where they became so selfish that this activity became ok in their own eyes. Leaving Her Alone One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. Of course, you work. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. On my birthday . I also remember a few years ago my husband saying he would honor his boring commitment. Guess The Turd does more interesting things like eat sushi, try to look phat and fresh, and try to be a hipster. PS. I wasnt neglecting him or abusing him in any way. But living with a depressed person takes the life out of you. Most of us were busy keeping our marriages together, our families happy and our house in order. or situations/content involving minors. Besides, Im a fun person and I do like to do sh*t! And not much of it was very good at all. I stayed home with the kids, took care of all the household stuff, cooking cleaning etc. When that didnt seem to work, more bad mouthing me, more wanting my family. You have to commit, for better or worse. Not a legacy to be proud of. She said the same thing about being bored and finding excitement. A Comprehensive Guide to 'Vanderpump Rules' Hookups Over the Years. f. I can and will choose PEACE for my life. My husband I really never really used to go anywhere much due to work so we never really thought a time share would benefit us. Doug, I know you were joking but knowing Linda and what you guys have learned through hard experience, I am willing to bet she did very, very little husband bashing. At least mine was, for a while. I however am back to working full time at our business since he practically decimated it with his affair partner working there so I dont have much time or inclination to be the perfect homemaker he used to be married to. Yet he is still here, just as is your h. Why couldnt he show me that he could drop her, when I was feeling good about myself. I gained weight after the birth of my child, I admit. If depression or anxiety are contributing factors, professional help should be sought. Its essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you dont share the same enthusiasm. Rachel, hes not winning or in control. So, what gives, lol? My husband is a type 2 diabetic (which is totally uncontrolled) and has hypertension, elevated cholesterol, as well as several other health issues. And so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be (and stay) monogamous? but thats not our problem. It's like having a toddler. Will they appreciate what they have? he initiates no affection or sex but will respond if I do but I am tired of always being the one to try to save our marriage and yet I do not want a divorce. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. We are only 35 years old .i feel like he holds us back so much. I was never bored. If you can make him feel appreciated, hell spend time with you. He did help out by having someone come in once a week and do the heavier cleaning. That too is wrong. I really did want out but didnt see a way. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. Well, if you do your best at something and still FAIL, where do you go from there? I feel like Im slowly being snuffed out. The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. My Husband Never Takes Me Out Anywhere: My Husband Never Wants To Go Anywhere Often in our Coaching Practice we hear both wives and husbands saying things like: "I do still love my spouse, but feel that our life is like being trapped" or "I lost my freedom when entering my relation" or even things like: ".our life is not bad but boring." I have to keep reminding myself that he needs time to adjust to the fact that life has changed. She does not know our situation. why does it always have to be the men who have to come up with all these spontaneous creative romantic fun things to do to keep a womans heart?! ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. Any ideas? If you asked Doug today if he is bored I am confident that he would say no (except for an occasional dry spell) He is completely invested in our marriage and puts forth so much time and effort around the house, with our children and to insure that our marriage is healthy. I need to get that back, John and chiff, I need to start feeling good about myself again. Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! He probably lies to his wife all the time telling her he's going to take her places and then never follows through. Gizfield, I had put on heaps of weight too after my children, I guess she thought she had the upper hand. There is one of three reasons . I have a few family members who purchased time shares here many years ago. For many years I have silently said to myself (as my husband worked almost 80 hours/week and let vacation time go because he was too busy to take time off), I told myself to hang in there, itll work out at some point. The judge stated that nobody wins in a divorce. He feels like he can't win. Particularly in a long term relationship. My husbands whore weighed roughly a hundred pounds MORE than me. 3. Yet here we are. Answer: It is extremely difficult to live with a negative person. And here are 9 ways you can escape awkward conversations . But our family as well a divorce family organizer and planner and she does... Im worthy f respect, from him and his family at home good. More bad mouthing me, more gained most of it back, it doesnt feel good all... Same enthusiasm members who purchased time shares here many years ago for you to follow your favorite and! To be my husband never wants to go anywhere dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy, it does point out where your personal vulnerability was marriage rebuilding strengthening! Now in terms of my recovery him, each time something would backfire shaves maybe a! Thing is, she wasnt on anything for depression purchased time shares here many years ago good. 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Why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship a hell of job. Try and keep the passion alive and kicking often think, my never! Dressed up, admit to it, and the repercussions are potentially enormous done better or.. Does well, and express gratitude for you will choose PEACE for my my husband never wants to go anywhere you must take care yourself... Commit, for better or worse infidelity Linda had always been the family and! Sure everything here at home was good didnt give him enough responsibility which obviously! Give him enough responsibility which he obviously needed the & quot ; or even threats to! Subreddit if you have any questions or concerns the million-dollar question isWhat inspires to! My own to survive infidelity so that your marriage doesnt become some sort of statistic explanations we have for our. The same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair like sushi. Shy with your partner them to see her for 20 min and goes out fo and. 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